My Lumos.

I’m done..

So freakin done.

"Be grateful, Anya." I am grateful, grateful to get away!

I just want you to be your Anya, and you my Demetri <3

(Source: waltdisneysdaily)

Things you shouldn’t say to a single twenty something..

So I’ve been dwelling on a post I’ve been meaning to write.. and as a procrastinate to do work, I read Cosmos’ 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Twentysomething. Honestly It’s the usual things.. but then there was the one thing THAT REALLY ERKED ME!!!

6. It’ll only happen when you stop looking

Are you freaking kidding me? Okk. If anyone really knows me, I make reasons up not to be dating, not to be interested, not to find my one. I am not one complaining on Ohh he doesn’t like me. Why aren’t there any guys out there. Yes, I do occasionally mention to close friends I need a bf. But that’s only because I miss that feeling of having a guy love me and reciprocating it back. Someone who will listen to me, make me laugh, and be there for me during lose hard trials. And to have someone I can be there for.

But let’s get back to the main reason I wanted to post…

A few days ago a (self-proclaimed) close friend told me off that I was doing it all wrong. That I was trying too hard. Umm excuse me!? And (almost like the Cosmo article) she told me that I need to stop trying to make something happen, it will happen when you least expect it. She even used her current relationship as an model and told me I should follow how she met her guy. 

Yeah it’s been around a year and a half since my last relationship. I’ve been over it for a while now. I finally am over the nasty destructive whatever(relation)ship I was in with this guy. And I’m finally ready to move on. I AM SORRY I WANT TO TELL THE WORLD I LIKE A GUY. AND I’M SORRY HE LIKES ME. AND THAT I JUST HOPE AND WISH SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN! I am just saying let me tell you about this great guy! EVERY damn time I bring him up, everyone QUICKLY shuts me down, tells me he’s no good, and move on. 

I’m sorry, but what happened to girlfriends sharing crushes and dishing on cute guys. Come on!! It’s been a while since a guy has genuinely flirted with me. You can’t just let me tell you about him. Or freakin just let me tell you what he looks like or his freakin name!

I just erks me. I listen to all my friends relationship successes, fails, stories, conversations. Yet I have only one friend that encourages me, one friend that laughs at me, one that is just praying about my situation. And the rest want nothing to do about my situation.

At this rate, I guess it isn’t meant to be. Maybee everyone was quick to judge for all the right reasons. But it just makes my not want to share anything about future new guys that come into my life. I hide away so much already, might as well add guys back into that bottle of emotions. It just sucks, because what if something does happen with this guy..? Will my friends continue to tell me I’m making a mistake? They maybee 5% about this guy and already I should stop talking to him. I should stop thinking about him. I should understand that nothing will happen. 

And what really sucks is that I do have my own one little problem with him, and none of my friends use that problem to justify there dislike of this guy. They use the one thing that makes him a responsible, loyal, respectable, hardworking man. COME ON! 

One day I will be in a relationship with an amazing man. For now I’m not going to stop looking/trying, cause I never was! I AM letting it just happen. And as it is just happening, give me a break and let me talk about my crush! I’m not like my peers who just run to the nearest guy and (sadly) at times treats them terribly. I’ve been through that. I am looking for a guy who I can love and who can love me. I am looking for man of Christ that one day will ask me to marry him. I am not looking for that at the moment. I know that it is unrealistic at this age. I don’t want to get married right now. Not even soon. So let me just have this crush. Let me fantasy about the future.

Just listen to me and my crush, like I do for you and you gentleman callers.

forevermyembrace:

asdfghjkl; they are still so cute

(Source: opangatay)

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(Source: weheartit.com)

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(Source: armywifediary)

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Seriously all I want.. well it&#8217;s a dream.. but I hope you do brag about me or at least tell others about how you feel about me&lt;3 {

Seriously all I want.. well it’s a dream.. but I hope you do brag about me or at least tell others about how you feel about me<3

Story of my life. I don’t think anyone really understands what I’ve gone through. I only hope that those who love me will want to hear my story<3

(Source: useyourmelody)

I want a marriage like this<3 ..but a husband that knows real defense against the dark arts.

Where my auror at?

(lets hope my current crush is a hp fan)

(Source: everythingroyalty)

cntqueen:

this person probably has to study for finals

My fucking job -__- My fucking coworker..doing stupid shit! 

(Source: steve-rogers-is-a-punk-rocker)

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seriously though

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Hate dreams..

I don’t have dreams. I have nightmares. But when I do have a dream it holds meaning and significance to me. I don’t know. I didn’t even want to post about it (like I do when I dream). I thought I was over you. I thought those feelings were gone. It was over. It was a new time. Why is it all coming back now. Well.. I guess I know why. But I don’t want to second guess my decision. I want to stay normal. I always want to be normal with you, but now I’m having second thoughts. Uhh.. I just wanted to forget about that dream. But it was too real. Man! It was so real! I was so happy. And believe me, it’s been such a long time I felt that happy. I mean what I am I saying. It was dream. Just a dream. I’m over you. I don’t want to be that kind of happy with you. Especially when there are other guys (guy) in my life I rather be happy like that with. I’m over you. I’m really over you. But why has that dream stuck with me all day. I miss you. Dare I say I love you. I think I’m at that point where I know I love you. When we met I knew there was something about you that I loved. Now I’m not saying love like omg boyfriend status. Just love. I love all the major people in my life. But even though I’m at the point where I love you, I’m still over you. Yeah your in my life, but that’s all. Nothing more, and hopefully nothing less. Man I hate dreams. And because I don’t always have dreams, I always over think what does it mean.. does it mean anything at all.. is something good around the corner of my future.. well.. I guess I’ll never know. And hopefully I can forget this dream and won’t think about you again. But I love you <3